Sexual desire and infertility

“When I had my second abortion, many things changed. There was pain, insecurity, vulnerability, many different feelings manifested in me and they all coincided in a feeling of inadequacy.

Let’s see, I got married because I was in love and not because I had children, but it seemed logical to me that motherhood would come. What was more logical than having children, when I felt complete as a woman and had found a good husband who would surely be a good father?

My sex life used to be perfect for me, but as my desire to be a mom increased, my libido decreased, something else was occupying my mind every day.

Little by little, motherhood became an obsession, no longer cared about work or how satisfying my life could be. Something was missing and I felt unable to obtain it. This unmet need was hitting my marriage in subtle but forceful ways. I didn’t mind spending long periods of time without having sex, or if I enjoyed it when I did, something as important as sharing with my husband in that intimate way seemed meaningless if we couldn’t have children. If I couldn’t get pregnant and be a mother, what was the point of seeking only moments of pleasure that weren’t going to amount to anything, that weren’t going to give me the joy that I hoped to get from being a mother?”

What happens to S.F. Is not an isolated case in couples who have difficulty conceiving.

If, unable to get pregnant when they decide to, or upon receiving an infertility diagnosis, the couple turns their sexual relations into something mechanical or whose sole purpose is reproduction, the affective bond that unites this couple is negatively affected and creates emotional discomfort. This discomfort, added to the pain of not being able to get pregnant, can cause the couple to be filled with guilt that undermines their quality of life.

Sexual relations link people on the affective and communicative levels. They usually mean an interaction that produces well-being on a physical and emotional level. When a couple seeks to get pregnant, and this objective is not met, the couple’s interaction changes due to the pressure they are subjected to and this pressure sometimes causes sexual desire to decrease.

Mutual support.

If at any time, you have felt that your sexual life has been limited by your difficulty in being a mother or a father, accept that it may be a normal event, but that it does not have to be a constant. The couple that seeks to have children needs support, since the way to achieve a pregnancy can require a lot of time, patience, courage and perseverance. The union of the couple, the trust that is generated in moments when they are alone, the security that is felt when sexual intimacy is shared in a committed couple, help to find the strength to start and continue the search for a family group. older than two

In any case, if you perceive that your sexual difficulties require more help than simple empathy and planning pleasant encounters, if you feel that your sexual impulse no longer finds the strength it used to, seek help. A specialist in sex therapy can help you solve these problems before they become a border between you and your partner.

“Remember that a child never manages to solve the problems of the parents, they need a place of love that assists and protects them”

Psyd. Adriana González
Psyd. Adriana González
Clinical sexology and sexual health
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