We live surrounded by The Others: All those acquaintances who have no idea what it means to not be able to have children when you want to, who are always trying to make us feel better and help us find solutions, but let’s face it, they don’t know what it feels like.

At the beginning of follicular development month by month, the ovaries, due to the action of 2 hormones, mainly FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone) and LH (Luteinizing Hormone), in turn produce estrogens derived from both follicular growth and peripheral aromatization in adipocytes ( adipose grade tissue) by androgens. Hence the direct importance exerted by body fat on the menstrual cycle.

The problem is that those of us who suffer from infertility at one point in our lives are a minority of 15% of the population, the rest will never know what this is.

In studies of fertility psychology, it has been found that women can begin to feel anxiety and frustration about infertility, from the first menstruation that comes when they are looking for children and men can take up to three years, before having these emotions.

This is interesting, because depending on when the couple meets, the responses to other people will vary.

In the first months, women will feel guilt and inadequacy, feelings that will be strengthened with comments such as: and when will the children? Or: and have you stopped taking contraceptives? How long do you plan to wait?, etc.

It is very painful for the woman who is in this period to know that she has done everything and does not get pregnant. Some are even pressured in a more intimidating way:

And are they doing homework? Look how time passes… As if you didn’t know you have to have sex to reproduce.

What couples with fertility problems need to learn is that infertility is a disease and most of us don’t know how to handle the disease.

In the case of couples with reproductive difficulties, those close to them think that they have to help them solve, help them make decisions, without knowing that it is not a lack of desire, but rather the body that does not want to function as expected. And it is not the responsibility of anyone, neither the couple nor the family. No one but the doctors have anything to do there. But even making that decision, seeking professional help, is something that takes time and as I said before, a man who is not worried and a woman who is frustrated are not on the same wavelength. That is why we will see calm men while their women drink medicinal teas, take their temperature to know when they ovulate, put their legs up after having sex, among other things.

That is one of the reasons to remember all the time, the limit of one year of unprotected relationships before seeking help if you are a woman and you are under 35 years of age and six months if you are older, it is the way to help the couple to make that decision.

But that is not the subject of this writing, the subject is another. When you are in your darkest moments you will hear comments like:

But relax, if you stop thinking about it, you will surely get pregnant. You are obsessed. I have an acquaintance who she adopted and got pregnant. You can’t be like that. That’s nothing, in Syria a lot of people are dying every day, what’s happening to you isn’t that serious.

Of course, each person will listen to their own versions of it, but in the end it is the same. The important thing is to know that: They don’t do it badly, they do it because they don’t know what you feel. And although they can still hurt you a lot, you have to start having adequate responses and reactions, and accommodate them to your personality. Here I leave you some that can be useful for some of the comments that you will hear:

This is dedicated to both of you, knowing that because of the early symptoms of anxiety and sadness, women are the ones who suffer the most. So friend, although I am very sorry for what you will have to put up with, from my heart I wish you to fulfill your dreams. And whatever, a psychologist from the area, me and other women who have gone through what you have, we are here, if you want to talk, surely we are too.